Anxiety, leave me alone.

Dear anxiety you seem to hurt a lot,

The damage trying to be done cuts to the core,

Of a hurting person's soul ,

It is just not ok,

Dear Anxiety,

Why can't you let be,

And not torture me?

Dear anxiety,

We meet every day ,

Why can't we just break up,

You and I are not good together.

Dear God,

please help the anxiety go away,

Before I go insane.

When with her.

When with her I feel better 'bout myself,

Bout how i'm messed up but loved by her anyways,

How special she done became,

I think about how if she left,

It would never ever be the same,

I would lose my fellow rebel,


And my partner in crime,

And God blesses me ever day,

With a smile like hers.

He keeps me hanging on ( not a poem for once in a while!)

So, God is really good . Despite everything going on in this world, he is in control, and not just in world events, but in Christian's lives also. What is this post about, anyways? To anyone reading, i'm ok now and I just thought i'd share this mainly as sunday hope story of encouragement.







Recantly, just like 2 fields, college anxiety and the depression part of Manic Depression ( Bipolar Disorder) has been driving me nuts! I have felt hopeless off and on due to looming projects that have left a sense of fear and nervousness and anxiety and depression. I'm way far back in college than I should be, and nervous on 700 different levels. Last night was the second night I felt almost to the point of hurting myself due to it all.


Mentally, I feel often like if I don't pass these classes I'm a failure and worthless. Like I have screwed up in life due to failure to keep things in one piece. It is a HORRIBLE mindset and is kinda toxic.


So, last night off and on I had thoughts of self-harm, which is VERY rare, it was like hitting a brick wall. It is, and the anxiety is not going to go away until I have finished this semester. Getting that upset and depressed is VERY rare. God uses the weirdest things to get people under control when they are upset inside.


Well, my sister at 11ish PM was posting in a group chat I was part of about how she couldn't sleep due to a wasp or Yellowjacket in her room and she has a way of taking a bad situation she is in and turning it into humor due to exaggerations and relating it to random things. Her amusing narrative made my depression go away and be replaced with humor.

Conclusion: God is Good and it is crazy awesome how He can use some of the weirdest ways possible as a means to help Evan cope with depression. For any Christian readers, has there been a time God used some weird experience to cheer you up when depressed? Thoughts? 

Amung the ashes

Among the ashes, he gives us Hope,

Despite the situation we are in the Lord is there,

You may be going through the hardest time of your life,

But still, he is there among the ashes giving hope,

Tonight if you are thinking about pain,

Look up and remember the One who created you,

The one who saved you and you let in,

And chose you before you were born as His.

Mandy's song

sitting down she smiled,

looking at Mandy's eyes, 

Amy started to sing,

Mandy if you only knew,

How much you mean to me,

Like a light in the night,

You help me see through the pain,

Caring for you is the best thing to do,

Oh, little child of mine, I love you so.

slowly dying...

Amy laid in her bed,

just burning indside,

hurting over everything she said,

and all she had did,

in her life and why ,

she wanted to say goodbye,

The only reason Amy had stayed,

Was for God and for her baby,

Yet still she was slowly starting to fade,

The fight got hearder every day,

And Amy started cutting to finally feel,

Anything was better than nothing at all,

So she prayed To God as she slit her wrists,

saying " God help me not do this!"

Never Truly Alone.

Broken inside,

Ain't we all a bit of that?

A bit in pain but don't know why?

Torn a bit and overwhelmed,

By the insanity life can toss,

Yet there is hope in the darkness,

A voice in the freezing cold,

Saying " not all hope is gone.",

So sometimes even when it is hard,

We are never ever truly alone.

Misunderstandings and Cahos

Misunderstandings and Chaos,

Sometimes they can plague the mind,

And expectations of chaos take over inside,

Even through all of it you try to smile,

Remembering that through it all God is in control,

And despite the confusions that may go on,

He knows the full out plan,

And the chaos and misunderstandings ,

They are part of a life we misunderstand,

New Horizons....

Well, a really late goodbye 2018-welcome to 2019 before Today's post. :) how you enjoy.


Looking across the reddish-orange hills,

Amy directed her eyes forwards,

As the sun had gone above the Mountains,

New horizons came along in Amy's world,

A hopeful future undefined by her past,

And she was excited for what God had in store.

Try to explain...

Try to explain to me why I feel so isolated,

Often even when with my family,

I withdraw when it seems bizarre,

It is not helpful one little bit, is it?

I just wish I knew what was wrong with me,

For me to see things the way I see,

I know God has a pan but it can be just so confusing! 

A quick announcement....

Hey guys! My friend needs cash and prayers for a missions trip to China.

Any Support will be welcome. Here's her Go Fund Me donation page: https://www.gofundme.com/eliz039a-mission-trip

Sorry for the short post.

****************************

Another day went on,

knowing before she knew it the time would come,

To go out and help around,

In another county in another town,

To go and share the love of  God.

Dreams

Dreams went through Mandie’s mind,

Dreams of joy and not more tears,

Ones of love and no more hurt,

A world where her troubles and afflictions were not there,

But she knew in that world she was not there,

So she fought on, fought on,

Just fought on, fought on