Sunday, March 31, 2019

Anxiety, leave me alone.

Dear anxiety you seem to hurt a lot,

The damage trying to be done cuts to the core,

Of a hurting person's soul ,

It is just not ok,

Dear Anxiety,

Why can't you let be,

And not torture me?

Dear anxiety,

We meet every day ,

Why can't we just break up,

You and I are not good together.

Dear God,

please help the anxiety go away,

Before I go insane.

Thursday, March 28, 2019

When with her.

When with her I feel better 'bout myself,

Bout how i'm messed up but loved by her anyways,

How special she done became,

I think about how if she left,

It would never ever be the same,

I would lose my fellow rebel,

And my partner in crime,

And God blesses me ever day,

With a smile like hers.

Sunday, March 17, 2019

He keeps me hanging on ( not a poem for once in a while!)

So, God is really good . Despite everything going on in this world, he is in control, and not just in world events, but in Christian's lives also. What is this post about, anyways? To anyone reading, i'm ok now and I just thought i'd share this mainly as sunday hope story of encouragement.

Recantly, just like 2 fields, college anxiety and the depression part of Manic Depression ( Bipolar Disorder) has been driving me nuts! I have felt hopeless off and on due to looming projects that have left a sense of fear and nervousness and anxiety and depression. I'm way far back in college than I should be, and nervous on 700 different levels. Last night was the second night I felt almost to the point of hurting myself due to it all.

Mentally, I feel often like if I don't pass these classes I'm a failure and worthless. Like I have screwed up in life due to failure to keep things in one piece. It is a HORRIBLE mindset and is kinda toxic.

So, last night off and on I had thoughts of self-harm, which is VERY rare, it was like hitting a brick wall. It is, and the anxiety is not going to go away until I have finished this semester. Getting that upset and depressed is VERY rare. God uses the weirdest things to get people under control when they are upset inside.

Well, my sister at 11ish PM was posting in a group chat I was part of about how she couldn't sleep due to a wasp or Yellowjacket in her room and she has a way of taking a bad situation she is in and turning it into humor due to exaggerations and relating it to random things. Her amusing narrative made my depression go away and be replaced with humor.

Conclusion: God is Good and it is crazy awesome how He can use some of the weirdest ways possible as a means to help Evan cope with depression. For any Christian readers, has there been a time God used some weird experience to cheer you up when depressed? Thoughts? 

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Amung the ashes

Among the ashes, he gives us Hope,

Despite the situation we are in the Lord is there,

You may be going through the hardest time of your life,

But still, he is there among the ashes giving hope,

Tonight if you are thinking about pain,

Look up and remember the One who created you,

The one who saved you and you let in,

And chose you before you were born as His.