Wednesday, June 28, 2017


Dreams: they never fulfill true happiness you would think they  would give.
In a "me" based society that counts to much on the American Dream we 

can get too caught up in these so called dreams that we think will make us happy.

What I think us Christians need to remember our lives should NOT live it up,

We must remember our future is in God's hands not ours! 

When we forget this basic fact it can lead to idolatry of things.


Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Amy's suicide

The bleeding goes on, 

but the hurt is gone,

As Amy's soul departs from her body, 

The battle she faught was hard,

with no family and no real home,

she laid in a hotel room all alone,

Amy told herself ,

" My family is gone, 

Except for God I am alone,."

So Amy did what she thought she needed to do,

The blade went through her wrists, 

While she was overdosing on her sister's perscriptions,

After the cuts were clear,

and the effects of Clonazpam kicked in,

The drowsiness shot in,

It was all so blurry to know what she was doing,

So without thinking,

Amy jumped and fell......

And now her soul is finally at peace,

while she is in heaven eternally

Sunday, June 25, 2017


So guys... how do I start this? I have been really lonely recently and my life is slowly going downhill again.  I hate the fact I am so needy and hate being alone. Add in the fact stress is destroying me as I have just finished up section D of my midterm exam and  as a perfectionist at school and loving to do really well at things yet at the same time a procrastinator at times if something is really hard, this test is taking a toll on me as I know i'm not likely to do well. Earlier today I thought about killing myself ( yes, I seriously thought about taking my life over midterm exams.) but i decided that would be a BAD idea and thus stayed alive. Physically I feel ok but emotionally i'm a train wreck and always will be. : ((((     So overall though i've been doing ok.

The invisable scars bleed harder,

and the pain is hard to resist,

but to survive the warrior must Persist,

No disease will destroy his spirit,

even if it destroys his body,

he is still together,

the world around him looks different,

but it is the same as the real one,

through his eyes he sees it diffrently though,

and wants to help others heal,

The one thing he is not able to let himself do,

He tries to help others with...

Friday, June 23, 2017

Losses and how they make you stronger.

One of my friends lost a friend of hers and it really hurt her. The loss left me
    thinking about how, even though pain stings for a while, God uses all of this for His glory to
   make us stronger. I think of my teen years which are almost over. I’ve lost many friends
  including a whole church worth of friends. Throughout High School i developed a close   
 Friendship with. She went out of her way to show me love even though we are just so different she did band and I ran Track and Cross Country, 2 worlds that collide. Anyways we were very close till she dumped me randomly. My case i’m trying to make is these things have made me stronger. God uses our problems, no matter how big or small, for His glory and even though we can’t always see why, it is God’s greater plan. So whether it be a dead relative or a friend who leaves you, it will seem hard at the time but we only see the small part of the greater picture.
Finally, we must remember our hope is in Jesus Christ not on people or things, which will pass by.


Saturday, June 17, 2017

So what now?

Well, I've officially got my diploma and I still have so many choices to make! I have one accepted

job offer at Cracker Barrel but the job is not bearable due to multiple reasons including neglecting

cleanliness, low staff, and just a unsafe envornment. I have multiple applications down on my pool

table and still have multiple offers on the table. Pray I get a good job please. My running team i'm

part of, Ainsley's Angels, is on summer break so i'm once again I am practicing alone. Also, I am

really struggling with friendships badly. So now that i;m done with high school and about to do

midterms for my Landscape Irrigation class, I still need a job. So i'm struggling in life but I will keep fighting.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Till The End

Till The End,

I take an oath,

I will protect you,

My Family,

And my Country,

The day may come,

When i'm gone,

But just know,

America is the land of the free,

So raise the flag an ring the bells,

For God and Country,

I will serve till death take me,

America will be kept free,

To hell with her enemies!

We will not let the liberal Bolsheviks ,

take our freedom away!

America will be made great again!

God Bless all those who fight for our freedom,
both overseas and in office.  

My Graduatiin Ceremony

So this Monday I had my High School graduation Ceremony ( Forget I'm halfway thruough my first semester of college.) , and me along with the result
Of the Eastern Alamance High School Class of 2017 got or diplomas . The night started with waiting a hour in the gym of the church the Ceremony was being held. I almost died form dehydration! We finally got to go into the chapel where graduation was being held . After some boring speeches and badly done music , everyone got up and one by bit me, systematically got their diplomas. It was done in alphabetical order and since my last name is White I was I in the last row of students. Earlier a student who was also graduating told me I was not able to run in my graduation cap and gown. When they called my name I treated the graduation stage not much differently than a curb in a cross country trail and ran , in cap and gown , across the stage to get my diploma . I sped things up to say the least. People all of the sudden started clapping and cheering at me ! I was like " What The Heck?" I was just getting my diploma my style . That's all. Well apparently everyone loved it and was humored. Here's the video:

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Hey guys... Please give me your feedback on my writings

Hey guys I've once again started posting my writings on my blog please give feedback per post thank you. All feedback is welcome.

                Thank you for following my blog also. I will keep working on things to improve it.

Strange Love

“We have to do something about our 18 year old baby. I have college and you have work. We don’t have time to make sure our little is in a clean diaper and is breastfed daily. It is too much!” Said Tiff.

“I know it is an issue we need to find our baby a proper caretaker. But nobody has been willing to take care of him. Wait... have we tried that Glenview nonprofit childcare place? I think they will take in any child of any age.”

Tiff then responded exclaiming, “you know how crazy that place is said to be Matthew! Supposedly the mistress of the place is a drunk. But if nobody else will take him, we should see.”

A woman from Glenview answered the phone with a grouchy voice, “what do you want? Are you a new enrollee ? If so tell me how we can assess your child?”

The phone crackled as Tiff answered, “our 18 year old teen baby needs caring for and we can’t take care of him 24/7. Nobody else has taken him in so I was hoping…. “

The woman responded saying, “we will take care of your baby. He will love it here, and hopefully get along with the other little ones. Come over on Wednesday and things can be completed.”

With that the woman hung up the phone. Baby started crying so Tiff ran to get a clean diaper ready.

Glenview, North Carolina. The town was known for being plagued by drug wars and shootings. Noted as the most dangerous part of North Carolina, it was essentially the dark side of Durham. NC renamed because Durham did not want to share the same name as that part of the town. Meth Kitchens and druggies were not common and most businesses were boarded up and vandalized by thugs who had nothing better to do. The local high school had only one year ago dealt with a shooting where 5 students died after a Iraqi American yelled Allah Akbar and open fire with a Ak-47.

Amy was new to the area. A runaway from Chicago Illinois. She had lived in Glenview for about 3 years. With little money of her own, she had bought a boarded up one bedroom home that was fully paid off from a family of 2 who essentially left the town in fear of their lives for $1,200. This whole Durham thing had been a whole new world to her from her expensive rich life she had lived in luxury in a Chicago High Rise. But her job at Glenview Childcare had been enough to pay her expenses. The nightlife was crazy and she tended to lack self control. Her boyfriend was a tough one who had just got out of prison for dealing drugs. He had tattoos all over himself and had a sense of control, but  she felt like she had no way out. Day in and day out she drove her 1975 Ford Pinto, wondering if she would ever get free, no longer have to take care of babies she wished were her own.
That all changed the day that she heard of the arrival of a teen toddler named Evan. “ Mistress, I really want to take care of our new baby specifically. He is different than the other babies who are of different sizes. I want this job so bad. He sounds like such a sweet kid and of interesting character. Mistress, I know I have always kind of been a pain and a troublemaker in your eyes. But this baby, I think he is more someone I can take care of.“

Mistress responded saying “ We will be introduced to him tomorrow, then I will let him choose who he wants to be his caretaker. Oh yes, if you want to care for him yourself,you will have to be removed from the rest of the babies and use the old nursery that the church still owns but has not used in years. “

Amy was shocked but her stubborn self and pride and how much she wanted the task got the best of her. She came to Glenview for a new life and freedom. This building referred to was boarded up and needed repairs in so many levels. “ I will agree to these terms, Mistress. But, will you get the church to help pay for the fixing windows and such? “ Amy asked.

Mistress said “ No! And the inside is already furnished just in case you are wondering.”

Tiff went to Glenview Childcare with Baby Evan and his special teen toddler things and met 2 women at the door. One looked like a punk and the other looked old and not nice. “ So… Miss Tiff, me and my 18 year old schizophrenic lil punk ( Amy blushes with anger) here want to know which of us baby Evan would rather have. This punk her name is  Amy, she really thinks she can care for him properly while she has had issues managing the actual babies. If he chooses Amy, he will get heaven knows what type of type of treatment , but if you let me take care of him just like the other babies he will be in good hands.” Mistress said.

Held up anger went through Amy’s veins but she kept control and said “ I really want baby Evan! He just looks like someone I can truly care for. Mistress is not used to new things and I want to hold and protect your little one. Please. I heard he has Bipolar Disorder and Autism. I have longed for someone like me who also suffers from a disability. Let me care for him. Mistress doesn’t understand disabilities. I do. “

Tiff then asked her Little who he wanted, while hoping he would chose the older woman. But to Tiff’s dismay, Evan choose the punk girl.

“HOW DARE YOU!!” yelled Mistress, as Tiff left, she was in disbelief.

“Mistress, I know you did not expect this. He is my baby now. You said so. And no matter what you say I am NOT giving him up.”

Amy took me to her Pinto once Tiff was gone and said “ Evan, I may not be the brightest girl in the world and Mistress was right, I am a schizophrenic. I know you are a teen toddler but do you know how to live outside of babyhood? “

I responded with “ Yes Amy, I am a teen toddler. Thank you for rescuing me from that horrible sounding woman. I feel like you will become more than my nurse, but also my friend. I fear that wicked woman will encage me. Where are we going. Amy? “

Sunday, June 4, 2017


Hi Guys can you all pray for me. I'm dealing with a lot of stress and this is not good. I have much stress going on and its driving me nuts . My meds are not working and it is bad. But God is good he will help me. " Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. "

Thus said I recantly have been chatting with my catholic friend. This is what he does not understand:


He believes without works we can't be saved. This is a major error cause The Bible is clear that It is not our works that save us. Why is this not understood? Pray for him and that he will become a Christian. Thus said , I have school tomorrow so I best log off but have a blessed Sunday!