When you nearly lose your life...

I got into a wreck a few days ago when my Buddy 50cc Moped hit a silver car.

Well, I had just left the coffee shop and was in no state to be on the road. My anti mania meds were not in effect and I had too much caffeine in my body. I thoughtlessly drove at dangerous speed down a residential road and tried to bypass a car. The car turned right as I was side by side, and I got hit. Flew into the air. My moped was on one side of the road while  I was lying and heavily bleeding everywhere on the road. Thank God I managed to get back on my feet and get home even as I continued to loose blood. The wound on my arm has been healing and I am getting better but it is just a reminder on how short life can be and the costs of unsafe driving. One small factor changed in the wreck and I could have been dead at the spot. I was the only person injured. Guys, God could take you away any day, you never know if you will get into a crash and die or something could kill you. When you get into near death issues on the road it can change the way you think.

why am I alive?

Often I wish i was never born cause then i would not have to deal with all this pain but I am alive. God gave me this pain for a reason I guess but it is really hard to bear  some days. Often i don't feel wanted. I wish I was not so ugly. Yet at the same time if i was different than who I am, I honestly doubt i would know myself. My disability can be a pain at times and causes much emotional pain.. But God uses such circumstances like mine for His glory.



                                   

I will use the gifts God gave me to fight the best I can. 

rescue from death.....

Rescued from death ,

Saved by God,

Jesus  saved me,

Though the invisible scars,

They will be never be healed,

But Jesus saved me through the blood he gave,

His death and resurrection,

It has revived my soul.

Why should I die,

When Jesus is on my side?

Why should I self harm,

When God's love is in my heart?

Taking a small break till my laptop issues can be solved : (

I can't blog well on my iPhone I just wanted y'all to know I will be back asap

yellow pills.....

My life is going out of control,

Nobody cares about me and it is so sad,

Thank God for these yellow pills,

These things my doctor gave me,

they will sink me into a sleepy coma,

just got to get it right then I will die.

Thank God for these yellow pills,

The ones my doctor gave me.

The final days

It is the final days,

Of the very way ,

I have known things,

It's not that long,

Till it is all over,

And I won't have to see her,

The final finish line,

It is in sight,

I think I see the light! : )

the iron curtian dividing America.

Throghout last year i felt like a iron curtain like the one that Churchill described when referring to the USSR in 1946, it is not the same though cause it is made up of a divided nation on the verge of civil war unless change is made. Chaos has struck America as we fight over what guns we can shoot and why we can't be who we want to be. I am upset and am doing this article to show my opinion. Both racial profiling and race baiting has been a issue along with racism cases, many which had been proven as the police justifiably shooting someone because the person was a armed criminal who was a danger. Morally america is a disaster, with people who get sued for keeping the law and disregard of the constitution, and most of all, disregarding God's law. As Americans if we can't get along I see no choice in the future but another war between the states. Christianity is targeted as a form of discrimination by people who discriminate openly against Christians. This is insane and something has to be done. as Americans the start we can make is not turn against each other. Freedom is never one generation away from extinction according to Ronald Regan. If we hate each other we will not stand as a nation. Please Americans lets stand under one flag. I don't care about your race, age, gender, etc. There is no excuse for violence and hate. The result of us disagreeing is the district courts, courts of appeals,small claims courts, state suprime courts, and the Suprime Court  trying to solve our problems by lawsuits and trials. If we give the government all our problems we are treating ourselves like we are the government's slaves. I urge as Americans to get along and not fight over political issues to the point we all hate  each other and don't make the government get involved with everything under the sun. the more the government gets involved in a divided  nation the more we become like big babies. Lets take America back and not let us fall apart on each other and don't have all our solutions be turn to the gov't. We are AMERICA not the USSR.

feel it...

Feel it,

girl you caused the pain,

look at the mistake you made,


i hope you are happy ,

now that you are gulity of my suicide,

along with years of lack of being wanted,

i'm about to loose it.

i have a knife by my side to slash my wrists,

I know it will give you jooy if i'm gone,

so now enjoy what is left of me.


( I ain't gonna hurt myself in reality. I just am expressing my frustration in a poem. she turned out to put me through hell and I miss her badly.)

My Darkest Hour..

My Darkest Hour.    

____________________

In my darkest  hour,

You stand by me,

Even when it all is falling,

You stop  the bleeding,

when I feel dead as night,

You come in and save me,

You truly are the Light ,

Thank You Jesus for rescuing me,

From turning to Mandy and Molly, 

Help me stay on the right path,

Even when I feel like i'm dying,

Thank you for saving me,

You are here for me Lord,

Even in my darkest hours.

What is happening to me???

My moods are getting worse and worse. I feel like drowning myself. I'm already drowning in tears that feel like blood even though they are only tears. Years of life have been tearing me apart. It has come almost to the point I can barely stand my own body. My mind is always messed up and I can't tell or trust anyone. It is hard to deal with myself these days cause I know I will wake up to the same person every day, myself. I don't know what else to say. Jesus Help Me!

                           

Just you and me...

Just you and me baby,

Together on the dance floor,

Lost in your eyes and your smile,

I forget we are not alone,

Makes me think of our first good time,

At that concert in Greensboro,

You were screaming and singing to a band I didn't even like,

But I didn't care cause you were there ,

Months went by and you could be found there,

cheering me on at every cross country race,

Then coming to my track meet in the freezing cold,

Just to see me get last place running the mile yet break my P.R.,

Remember the night we went to prom?

You looked so dang good in that orange fancy dress,

And how I made 5 requests for that one song to turn you on,

Comes winter and change,

When we get washed up by November Rain,

College is calling my name but tonight babe,

We will do one last time around the floor,

Before it is time to say goodbye,

So don't think about tomorrow,

Just think about tonight ,

Cause this is our final night,

Before our southern story ends.

why does nobody really care?

Why? It makes no sense. Why just abandon me ?
I never did anything bad to her.
Why do people not care about me?
Why am I not loved?
Why am I alive?
why why why!?