If I was dead...

The world would be happier,

If I was dead,

So why am I living instead,

Considering the world ,

Would be happier if i was dead,

Why do I not drive this knife through my chest?

Yet I survive and live on,

Though sometimes I wish I was gone.

why?

Why am I here,

Why am I alive,

Why does nobody hear my silent cries,

As I slowly die,

But nobody knows,

if they did, would they care?

Jesus loves me ,

This I know,

but where did everyone else go?

Crime With A Babyish Punishment

" So, you 2 have came to help me? Why? You have not ever seen me before, so how can I trust you? " Kellie asked the Confederate twins. " We did not come from nowhere. The leader of the good side, our leader, wanted us to be of your service. I know, me and my sister look like white trash,We are white trash. We are honored to protect you, tthe same way we tried to protect our conquered homeland in the 1860s. Me and my sister don't look like much  but will be of great service to you."

The boy said to Kellie. " Your weapons look the same as they probably did in the 1860s. Are you sure they will work? Kellie asked. " They are as old as us, which is over 1,100 years old. We never lost our youthful look for some reason and defied the concept of growing old. Our weapons have in a way done the same. Never lost a gunfight with this pistol, and in this day and age good weapons are hard to find. Our horses are outside, and we must leave now! We can talk later, the enemy is nearby and we must go." You will ride with my brother and he will give you his sidearm to protect yourself. " Said the girl, as her brother gave Kellie a Colt 1851 and led her to the girl's horse. " You and my sister will be riding together, ok? " The boy asked Kellie. " Ok, I will." she said. Off they went into the night. Back in Vegas, Jason and the rest were out to do their final duty in that filthy city. They had to assassinate Mary Annie's mother and kill the rest of the gang. " This is it! This is their location. I know this building by heart. I shall be the one to assassinate. You all follow me and kill all resistance you see, but I must deal with my mother alone. She rarely has guards in her room." Fifteen minutes later they were all in the building and had killed all resistance. Jason ordered they all stay in case trouble broke out. Back in her mother's room, Mary Annie was trying to reason with her mother. " Mom, why do you do what you do? Why are you fighting for the dark side? Are you blind? This will only lead to utter ruin. I love you mom, do you really want to live like this?' Annie, they killed your father, you do know that right? Her mom sobbed. " Mom.. they did not, the truth is.... I did. I sided against the dark side and killed him when he was in one of his violent rages." Said Mary Annie. And now since I could not reason with you, I must kill you also. Your army is all dead." With a sob, she pulled the trigger off her gun and shot her mother dead. Not able to bear the sight of her dead mother, she ran to the bedroom she grew up in, and cried in the pillow of her bed with purple covers. " I need to get up and going." She finally told herself. " But first I will get a few personal belongings before I leave." Mary Annie went  to her dresser and pulled out a old Browning Buck Mark, loaded it with proper ammo and grabbed a box of  bullets. Next she gently took a American Girl doll she had always loved off of a chair, the soft pillow she had been crying on,  Finally, Mary Annie took down a old photograph of her and her brother when they were kids and a diary. There were so many things she wanted to take but she could not take it all, so she joined the others and they drove away.

Wave On Wave - Pat Green

can't get over you!

Girl I can't get over you,

Your hair is still flying everywhere,

In my mind you are right her,

In my arms dancing,

on a old oak floor,

and running by me,

on a worn dirt track,

hold me one more time,

one more kiss,

oh! You aren't here,

It's just my head playing with me,

I just can't forget you.

Crime With A Babyish Punishment.

After they fled the battle site and left the bodies to rot, Tanya, Jason, Elisa, Lydia, Becca, and Mary Annie all went to the Golden Nugget Casino and booked rooms for the night. " Let's go down and do a bit of gambling while trying to meet people who could be of potential help. We might find some of us good folk here, as hard as it sounds. " Suggested Lydia. With that, they all went out of their rooms and made their way to different parts of the Casino. Lydia and Mary Annie both went together , each armed with a Ruger LC9 , ready for a fight, if one was to break out, they walked over to set of poker and roulette tables. With much thoughtlessness, Mary Annie tossed in a bet of $5,000 and chatted with the waiter , and the conversation quickly turned to the dark side and how Eddie, the waiter, hated it wand wanted out. He had no clue Mary Annie was a follower of the good side. " Why don't you join the good side?" Mary Annie asked. " I don't know where to join..." Eddie said. " I'm on the good side. Join us and we can defeat the enemy." replied Mary Annie. " I'm all in!" Eddie cried. Just then Mary Annie won $50,000 on the poker table then went to the slot machines. Tanya and Jason were sitting at the bar , while Elisa and Lydia were relaxing on a sofa. While sipping on her drink at the bar, Tanya overheard the bartender talking to a very rich looking man in a Italian suit . " So, has the slaughter  plan for those idiotic teens who are resisting our propaganda at Las Vegas High School? That army fighting for the so called good side and burning their textbooks and homework? The ones who have made Las Vegas High School a stronghold against us, led by teachers who also resisted our majesty's government? I heard they have taken out every teacher there who is loyal to us, and been training all the rebel students self defense and teaching them how to fight? How do we think we should go around fixing this " problem" cause this can not continue. Should we send a militia after them, or should we set off a bomb. " asked the fancy dressed man. Hearing all this, Jason's anger burned. From the sofa near the bar, Lydia sent a text to Mary Annie, saying " The School your brother goes to go that  that has become a stronghold to the light side, any clue if your brother goes there? If so he is probably if alive, now fighting for us. The School is to be attacked i don't know when but it will. " Minutes after she sent the message she got a response. that said " I know already he is no longer part of the dark side. Thanks for letting me know. " At this point Jason could not take the man in the Italian suit anymore. Without thinking of the consequences , he took the Colt 1911 from his holister and opened fire. " Screw You!" Jason yelled. One shot, 2 shots, and the man fell down dead. A outrage broke out over the noise and what came next was a bloody scene. From the back of the bar the bartender reached for a 12 guage shotgun , and returned fire. Marry Annie was a good shooter for her age, largely because she was raised in a gang, and as the bartender started spraying shotgun shells she fired and killed him, just as the guards and armed patrons started running at them. with They were close to a door and Elisa yelled " Let's get out of here! Forget our belongings for now at least. Mary Annie has 50k worth of money anyways. We must leave now! We are out maned and will be killed." with those words, they all ran, shooting this way and that on the way out at different people. "we took the wrong stairway and are stuck! " Cried Becca. " Then climb that fire escape ladder outside the window. its our only hope! " Yelled Tanya. One by one they hopped out of the window and climbed the rusty, old, fire escape ladder. As they got to the ground Mary Annie asked " Where is Becca?" as they drove off in a stolen Ford Mustang. Back in the building Becca was trapped and pinned down by 5 guards. " If I am going down, so will you! " She screamed and went for a lighter she had seen on the bar. She took the cigarette lighter. After 2 flicks, it lit up, and Becca said her final words which were " You Can Do Nothing Now!" She pushed the lighter against the walls, and the spark quickly started burning and the fire spreading. The whole building was on fire and there was much screaming and yelling for help. The building was a living hell for the very people who dedicated their lives to live for Satan. Nobody except a young woman named Kellie made it out alive. She was a woman who had gone there to warn of the wickedness and share the message of Jesus Christ, which was the message that the Christians who made up much of the Rebelion believed. She barely made it out alive and when she got out, suffered from minor burns. She strongly supported the Rebellion and was a rebel. with nothing  much else, she found her beat up 1985 Honda Civic and went to her home..... but when Kellie was getting close to her neighborhhod, the smoke from the whole area showed that she had no home to go to. With nowhere else to go, Kellie drove her car out of town. Further, and further she went, till  she finally reached her destination; a small truck stop owned by a man named Josiah , a fellow rebel and friend who she thought was trustworthy. Using her last bit of money, she sat down on a diner stool at the Waffle House connecting to the hotel and ordered 2 waffles, a coffee, and a slice of bacon. The food smelled so good to her as the woman behind the counter said: " I hope you have a good dinner. Business has been tough. " Just then 2 figures walked into the Waffle House. One was a girl who seemed to have came straght out of  the reconstruction era in the formar United States. Her dress was torn and had a pale blue color, and she bore a Remington 1858, which was commonly used in the American First Civil War. The other was a boy, about 17, dressed in the Grey Confederate Soilder's uniform, armed with a Springfield. The girl and boy were siblings and lived throught he civil war. " We are here to help you." The girl said.....

Crime With A Babyish punishment.

     Last time we left our heroes and heroines, Emily had been kidnapped by a gang of girls. Jason , accompanied by Tanya , Elisa, and some friends had gone to Vegas where she supposedly was behind held, and Super Girl and Katie were helping fight for  The Republic.

     Jason, Tanya, Elisa, and some friends left the plane and headed to Old Donnie's place in a pickup they had stolen , and had no clue about the Devil's Advocates. " Where is this place Again" asked a girl named Becca. " This is our refuge housing while here ok? It is somewhere around here,.... There it is! " Exclaimed Elisa. With much excitement they all headed to the cabin. " I'ts time boys, they coming. Ready?" asked Billy the Reaper , leader of The Devils Advocates. " We are! " was  the response from the gang. All of the sudden shots were being fired from all sides. " We are under attack! " Cried  Lydia as she loaded a M16 and started firing at a sniper. " I am estimating 7 poorly armed gang members. Fire at the enemy without being seen. Their leader must be slain and most likely is ..... " A bullet then rang and hit Tanya in the arm. " Screw you you piece of trash! " She responded. Her bulet hit the target in the neck . Jason had been waiting for the right time to take out the sniper. All of the sudden the sniper stopped to reload. That was Jason's chance and he took it . " God, make this bullet hit him hard." He prayed. The bullet hit straight in the heart and the Sniper's body fell out of the trees. " Thank God ! and  good job Jason! That leaves 3 more. Only problem is we will have to get into the building to finish them off and kill this gang. " Elisa said. It was decided that Lydia and Becca would go into the building and finish off the last 3 thugs while Tanya was bandaged up where she was shot. both armed with a Colt 1911 , they walked in. 2 men, clearly guards who were very drunk, started shooting back, but they were too drunk to shoot properly, Quickly Lydia finished them off. With caution they proceeded. They heard crying. " Dad! Let me go i'm sick of working for your danged gang! I'm sick of being a slave to our gang run world. Screw You Dad!" Before any of the girls could respond, their job was done for them as a shot and a moan came from the other room. With surprise, the girls followed. As they walked into the kitchen Becca looked in horror. A 9 year old girl had just shot dead The Reaper and was sobbing. " Don't kill me! I  understand why you would, but I did not have much of a choice but to fight for the gang is was born into. Rescue me before they come after me. Please. If you are the people I heard my dad talking about who have their firend, Emily kidnapped , I can lead you to them. I WILL lead you to them. It was the doings of my mom. I have 3 siblings. One of them wants out also. I want to join y'all. " What is your name , poor child?" Lydia asked. " My name is Mary Ann. Let me in and I will help you I swear I will. EVen if it means killing my family off. " Ten minutes latter Elisa had heard Mary Anne's story and said " Yes. I will trust you and rescue your brother along with Emily. It must have been hard having to kill off your father and soon having to kill your family. " said Elisa. " Yes, it is. But it will be worth it. So come on , Let's go! Emily is hidden in a 27 story Hilton , on the 27th floor second door to the right at the end of the hall. My siblings and family own the place and live nearby.  

Meanwhile, Super Girl and Katie had just helped take back North Carolina from enemy hands. After 10 days of fighting , Fort Bragg was surendered and the Governor's Mansion in Raleigh was bombed, resulting in the death of the governor. To celebrate, a party had been thrown to celebrated the liberated North Carolina at a bar called Lost Memories. Nervous, Katie took the hand of a boy who had been fighting beside her. " What's your name ? " She asked. " My name is Evan. I am  a 18 year old who left my school in Alamance County to fight. My school, Eastern Alamance High School got bombed along with half of my town. My family disapeared. I joined y'all because i wanted to defeat the dictator who had taken over our state. I also am Autistic. No offense, but you are stunning. What's your name?" My name is Katie, she told Evan. Will you dance with me ? " I will, sweet girl. You are the first girl to accept me. let me put down my Bud Light and I will come." With that, the 2 left the bar and hit the dance floor. Comes around 2 A.M; and the 2 had danced and talked and enjoyed each other. " Evan, you are the first boy I like and i think you like me too. Where are you staying?" asked Katie. " I'm staying at C-Me Mobile park in a blue trailer. Do you want to come to my house? The park is occupied but our supporters and houses the families of our men and women." Yes Evan, I would love to. I also have something to show you. Hop on my back, ok? " She said. "Ok Katie." Katie then said " Hold On!" and she spread her wings. 15 minutes they were at the mobile park. " How were you able to fly Katie? That was so fun but I don't understand. " Evan said. " Evan, I am a fairy girl. I rarely fly cause i'm not too good. I'm the last of my type. I feel a bond forming between us." Katie said. " I have felt it since we first started fighting. I don't suppose  you will become my fairy princess? Evan asked. In the background a radio was playing Tomorrow by Chris Young, and everything was just right. " I will be your fairy princess. I would love to be your fairy princess if you be my prince. " Said Katie. With that, Evan and Katie got into 2 seperate beds in the same room and fell asleep. Next morning Katie asked Evan " DO you want me to teach you the art of flying? " Yes Katie, Evan responded.

    

emotion.....my Hope..

It runs through my veins,

Nobody sees it though,

I wish  there was a cure,

But there never will,

The invisible blood continues to pour,

but my hope is in the one,

that had blood pour for me,

to save me from myself,

my savior Jesus who I love,

He will someday take away the pain,

And my life lived for Him will not be in vain.

My call to those like me,

Who some consider insane,

Is let God take over,

And we will once die,

Have a eternity without our problems,

For now we will feel pain,

But jesus saves.

dying star

Tonight a star is dying,

It is way before his time,

Everybody is left blind,

Cause his happy smile,

His red hair,

His bright eyes,

They make him look so alive,

But nobody can see,

Behind the sky,

This star is about to fall,

It’s final sparkle has burnt off,

and it is gone

Smiling.....

it's progress and regress but it is calming down ,

I and slowly stopping thinking with a frown,

I believe myself that I am falling down,

Yet my heart knows I can stay afloat,

I can keep sailing my boat,

And will cross this sea of life.

Coming Down - Five Finger Death Punch. and life updates.

Just a quick post this morning for y'all. Recently i've been suicidal. Yes, again. Graduation day is coming and I will be loosing people I got close to. So i've  been sad. The sun is finally coming up and no more cold. Even over all this mess I am changing my life and trying to kick a addiction of some sort. I am glad for all of my readers, even if I don't know who you are.

I'm falling to the ground, as my life dashes from me, I think of everything I am, and what I could be...... I feel my own blood, antiher not seen, flow out of me, I once was lost and now I'm found , was blind but now i see, yet is this my God given Destiny?  No! This horror must stop, I must get up, but am I storing enough? I always though I was emotionally rough, but now I feel the effects of pain , dealing with them is tough. I cry " Heaven Save Me!" And then I decease. - Poem inspired by a girl who collapsed dead on one of the Guiflord County School's tracks.