When you care about someone. ( love through the eyes of a bipolar teen.)

When you care about someone,


You will wait for them,


Hide your love inside,


Till the time is right,


and you give them a ring,


In the pale moonlight,


When you care about someone,


You will be loyal and kind,


Even when the sun never shines,


When you care about someone,


Don't loose self control,


It will cause hurt,


When you  care about someone,


You will keep him/her safe and strong,


You will be with him/her all along,


When you care about someone,


And they are dying,


be there by their side.

Thank you Jesus ( a poem.)

I feel so weak,


I hate my body,


I would cry,


But all I do is smile,


If they only knew,


The real me,


would they even care?


But as I feel the pain,


I hear you say my name,


You let me cry on you,


My teenage tears,


They soak you,


Lord save me,


From this hell,


I hate my own life,


And want to die often,


Jesus give me the strength to carry on,


Instead of letting me end it all.


Give me strength,


To live another day.


Thank you Jesus,


For saving me,


And helping me deal,


With this disease.

casting crowns- does anybody hear her

This song is amazing. I have Bipolar Disorder and I can imagine what the person in this song is going through

friends.....

Friends?


Are they real,


If so,  friends, why are you not here for me?


When I need you the most,


You are gone,


When times get hard,


Nobody is around,


I am stick of my life as it is,


why do some of y'all make me feel more worthless?

why are we hiding? ( why do protected classes exist?)

I wake up every morning to the crazy beilef,

That It is wrong to be me,

I can't do this i can't do that,

There is a way i'm expected to be,

To be normal as can be,

Don't you dare show a sign,

That there is pain under your smile,

Who would care, what  will it do,

If people knew you as you,

Hiding it all works for awhile,

Until you are hanging on a rope in your closet.

If they knew your secret,

that you have a messed up head,

would they hate you and wish you dead?

In a world where we are taught tollerence ,

why are we not tollerated?

Even queers are toleerated now,

and yet you aren't?

they don't give a damn what is in your head,

They don't give a fuck if you are broken,

Bullying is tolerated if you are not in a protected class,

Why are we hiding?

Keeping secret our disease,

weather it is Autism, Bipolar or ADHD.

The hurt is real,

we are not fake.

You call us psychos,

yet you respect,

Only if it politically correct.

If we stand united you may see,

We can be happy .

For us normal is not a reality.

I'm sick of the choose and pick,

I hate being so fake,

let me be free, and don't worry about me./

somebody save me! I am not crazy!

I know you don't care about a disease,

That can wreck peoples lives,

they say " put them in a hospital, and leave them there to stay.",

or  "Lets mercy kill them and finally put them away."

my message to my type is this:

why do we hide our mental illness?

Screw you, cold world!!!

Smile Empty Soul- Bottom of the bottle

My story.

As most of y'all who follow me know, I am a teen writer and blogger. I wanted to share my story on how I became who I am. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and High Functioning Autism when I was in kindergarten. Bipolar disorder is where your emotions essentially go haywire. One second you can be high as a kite and in la la land, while the next you can be pissed off at the whole world. Autism is a developmental disorder that is characterized by being a genius at some basic academic ways and completely the opposite in other cases. For me I am a Social Studies expert but I suck at math. Well anyways, to continue with my story. My dad is a ex church elder and training to be a minister so I come from a Christian background and share the Christian faith. flashback the fall of 2014, my dad has a high role at our church and our minister retires. We are kicked out of the church for good. Sudden changes like that effect me in a negative way, and I still am having a hard time forgiving and forgetting. I don't adjust to change well. Flashback again all the way to 2009. I was in  my first relationship with the girl who was in a supposedly perfect family at the church we had went to then. I was first introduced to 2 things: country music and a love for diapers. I heard my first country song on 94.7 WQDR , the local country station and since then have never put it up.  I now listen to country and rock music , depending on my moods. Music became a obsession and It still is. People with Autism struggle with being obsessed with things. In 2012 I was self admitted to a suicide prevention center after a crisis between me and a girl and Bipolar depression. It was a nightmare and I swore I would never try to die again. At that time I started to deal with my emotions and pain by using diapers made for little kids who don't know pain. I like to fantasize about me being  a 2 year old still in diapers who does not know how painful the world is. Well, in 2013 I transferred from homeschool to a public high school called Eastern Alimance High School, where I became friends with a very pretty cheerleader. It took me months to learn I was acting stalkerish and I had no clue.I had became obsessed over her and it killed our friendship. Still today I have anger issues, but mostly mania and depression, that is visible in class. I am trying harder to learn how to treat a girl, how to talk properly, what is OK and what is not.  That's my story of me so far.

Music video

 Love this song!

Cross Country 2015

Well, I run cross country and find it fun. So far I have ran 4 home meets and 3 aways. I was gonna share some pictures I took .

This one was taken at a home meet. The 2 girls

Names are Haley and Logan,  the boy's name 

Is Stephen. I took this picture after 

A race. 

Here is me. I will add images of the Rockingham 

Meet and the upcoming

Morhead meet

school life.

School life is getting better but worse at the same time
I am meeting kids. And for the first time in ages I am not sitting alone at lunch. : )
My life is getting more and more crazy every day. Shout oout to my blogger friend jullie at runningthroughthestars.blogspot.com . I got my all time best score at cross country last night of 29.5 speed. So i would keep running i immagined me being attacked by a giant army and having to flee. It worked. If i keep this up i can make it to next invitational.

music video

awesome song

Freedom of speech and discrimination. Along with another poem.

Well, I've offically been discriminated over my Christianity this week. : (

I'm not too happy about it. My teachers are defending my other teachers actions which were public shaming. According to what I have read on students rights sites, school policies, and info from friends, my teacher broke the rules. I am not happy.

....................................................................................................................................................................You can hate my beilefs,

You can hate my lifestyle,

you can be double edged,

But I don't care,

I will stand up for whats right,

Yes I will dare,

To now follow everyone else,

and take the hard rough path,

and they will know,

who i think,

Has the ultamite rule..