Saturday, December 30, 2017

Darkness Will Not Prevail ( LONG poem)

life feels good as you see everything fade away, 

Nothing seems like a mistake anymore, 

there's beauty in the pain ,  

It makes you smile,  

It turns out you are not insane, 

Nor are you afraid, 

the path to the garden is that way, 

She's wearing a blood soaked dress, 

Satin and white lace, 

The woman smiles your way and says " Hi,", 

You are at my home and I wonder why? 

Don't worry about my mess, 

the red is from self destruction attempts,  

But now I'm better,  

Come in, prince of pain,  

dance with me tonight, 

for the first time in awhile,  

I am actually smiling. " 

A long lost emotion went through me ,  

And I knew not what to say, 

So into her cottage I went, 

and wondered " How does she know I'm the prince of pain?", 

For the first time in years, 

That night we danced to the song of the bluebird,

I felt no shame, 

and asked her for her name, 

" My name is faith, and I am a runaway ,  

From the domains of darkness,  

Where my master kept me in chains, 

Redemption not far away,  

offered from God above, 

who's son came to save us, 

in this world without love, 

now I have escaped,  

the dominion of darkness, 

and have you done so too?" 

"YES!" I cried,  

thinking about what would have been my own doom, 

" The hour will strike midnight and I hear horses from away, 

Grab my sword and get away Prince of Pain, 

The pony I named Sparkle is in the back,  

don't worry about me, 

they are not coming after thee.",  

NO!! I cried,  

as she pushed me out the door, 

5 minutes latter I saw him, Lord of Darkness , 

come after her with his men, 

In all of hell's flame, 

The screams could be heard , 

from her living room,  

as the 2 fought, Sword to sword,  

My mind common sense said go, 

yet emotions said "Stay.", 

From a far distance I saw the beast, 

had put his dagger into her cheast, 

And what was did was done,  

The arrow flew from my longbow, 

and his body feel to the ground, 

submerged In blood,  

I went off on Sparkle,  

Torwards my own kingdom, 

to warn the people of their sins, 

and how they could be forgiven, 

So when Lord Darkness' master Satan came, 

We'd be saved and God would give the strength , 

to fight and die for what we believed in

Romans 8:1-2" therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
because through Christ Jesus the law of the spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death" 

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Sick of Life!

I am just sick of life! I wish God would take me away in my sleep so I could have a restored mind. Ugh ! I have a ugly body and a messed up mind and am complete trash.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

1 a.m.

it's 1 am and I want you with me,

every night in my mind you are beside me,

Looking so strong as together we battle the devils that haunt us,

Your smile makes me feel loved,

As I cry on your sholder like a child,

and the next nnight you are doing that on me,

Together heart to heart we fight the disease,

Yet it is just me here alone,

You are gone but not forgotten,

Come back to me,

And we can set eachother free.

I love you baby.

Friday, December 15, 2017

fighting fro Christ and your life

Saints cut sometimes,

cause they hurt too much,

to even be able to cry,

they know it isn't right,

but even they can break,

followers of Christ,

God doesn't change some,

of their problems,

but gives us hope to fight,

So we die for Christ,

And often stops us,

from taking our lives,

which is wrong,

and the effects on others,

can be very strong,

so if you want to fight for Christ,

And not commit suicide,

Don't give up,

Cause God made us,

to not take our lives,

Things may not get better,

but still know fellow Christian,

Jesus is better than that firearm,

and loves you ,

your life is too sacred to go through that noose,

so breathe in life,

not carbon monoxide.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Suicide awareness blog.

Hey! I know this is off topic and not my normal post but I have started a blog

That's main goal is the show awareness of suicide and some of the major problems

That can lead to someone taking their life. Any of y'all who are interested in the comments section say yes. If not , give your input on what you think about the idea. Here's the blog:

Monday, November 13, 2017

possible new post series

Hey guys! I hope y'all are doing well. Good News!!!

I have decided to take a break from poetry and write

a story about the suicide of an 18-year-old girl named Amy.

Or is it a suicide after all? 

Stick around to figure out.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017


Hi guys. I hope your November has been great! I did a half marathon in Willimington , NC. It was my first one where I actually ran the whole thing ( no slowing down.) and the first time I did a road race half marathon. It was so fun! My final timing was 2 hours and 20 minutes . My placing was 561st out of 810 finishers. That was ok. My friend from the area did not show up sadly. My best friend, sadly alerted me that for reasons I will not mention , she can't text me anymore . : (
Loneliness has taken over my heart but God helps. Honestly things haven't been too bad for me other that recantly a few major episodes .  oh yes , my report paper I had to turn in. The reason I got a B on it was because I made the mistake to not put a title on!!!!

The invisbale scars,

That can't be seen,

I know they are there ,

But they are with God's help healing

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Heven Help me.

Heaven Help Me,

As I fall apart,

My mind is like a burning house,

With nothing but ashes surviving,

As the walls burn apart,

Jesus Save me,

As my mind fills with pain,

Inhalation of the stuff is clogging my mind,

Abandonment in a happy crowd,

Nobody knowing I'm alone,

I just want to go home  : (

my mind: update

Ok, I have not been around much but I'm gonna do I quick update on why I've been off for awhile.
My mental health has not been all that good and personally, I've been mentally falling apart. I've started seeing a therapist but I'm not sure how much help she will be, as she stimulates so far instead of de-stimulating. My battle has been harder than ver, but I must hide it all from my fam and friends, cause I do not need to worry them. I will be ok though. I promise. Just pray for me, ok? Things are not all that well in me. 

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Music Video of the week: Counting Crows - Round Here

I'm like Maria in the song emotionally... "Maria says she's dying, through the door I hear her crying. Why? I don't know,"  I don't know if that is the meaning behind the song, but the lyrics durn near describe someone with mental illness. Enjoy. :)

Autism, Bipolar, and friendships. It can work! ( and a announcement.)

So, I decided to take a quick break from my poetry and writing, cause it is high time I mention the human behind this blog. As noted by y'all who noticed my profile or those in my small but loyal fan base,  I am openly bipolar and autistic. Have been since young age. Well since the background I've already shared it, so it's time to go straight to how it is like to be me. I've already shared my depression in my poems so that ain't gonna be discussed. My Mania is the part y'all can't see. It is the other half of Bipolar Disorder and is part of where my creativity is from. Add all that up, and then go into how Autism and bipolar can effect friendships. Many people with autism are quiet, but I'm a open book. I can be complicated cause I have specific things I can talk about as long as you are willing to let me talk about them, and often I may add into a conversation I'm not part of. I still am working on my social skills.... The bipolar is what makes it all hard though.... To get into my life and into it well, you really need a lot of patience, ability to understand my mental coding well enough, ( Which is very hard.) Sometimes check and balances systems need to be set up to help with my moods and how to deal with them well. I will at times need your help calming down when I am disturbed, and you need to understand if I ever seem obsessed with you, I ain't. It just looks that way. I am more than capable of being the best friend you've ever had. If you help me , I will help you in whatever way I can.

Oh , on a second thought, I might be starting up a new blog mini book novelia . Please let me know what you think after I post chapter one. Goodnight guys!

Monday, September 11, 2017

poem of the insane lover

Come to my sanatorium ,

It's inside here,

Welcome to my asylum,

Take refuge in my insane mind,

and watch me die,

the invisible scars shed blood on my arms,

they bleed for you,

the madness inside me,

It will infect you too,

Join The Sanitarium,

Where you will be loved,

In a rough and crazy life,

That is unheard of,

so welcome to the ward,

your room is over here,

It is the only sane place here,

Where you will be truly safe,

So take refuge from the storm,

You can stay right here,

Welcome to My Sanitarium . 

The place where the insane show care,

And we are glad you are here   :     ) 

Monday, August 28, 2017

Life moves on...

So guys, I haven't posted much about my personal life in awhile and how i'm dealing with change.

My life is changing. Slowly, I have distanced myself from Cross Country, and have put more focus on

 my own running practices. Socially, Alamance Community College is MUCH better than . my high

school was. I have met someone who actually does NOT put me as last person to talk to. That was a

main issue I had in High School. I was given a TON of farm land to use by some friends of mine,

who had no ability to use it at the time, and I quickly learned it is one heck of a mess to work with,

as everything is dilapidated and overgrown except the row of plants I am using to grow beans and

lettuce, which me and the people who owned the land cleaned out. For school I am taking Soils and

Fertilizers, Turfgrass Calculations, Applied Plant Science I, Plant Materials I, and Student Success.

I miss some of my old team mates, and when thinking of them, it makes me smile. We had so much

fun, and now we have gone our separate ways. Without my brother, things are different. My dad has

converted Stephen's old room into his office, which is kinda sad. He is happy however and chasing

His dreams in Ohio, where he is going to college. Now that I have a laptop that actually can upload

pictures, expect photos finally in the near future.

Friday, August 25, 2017

my emotions....

So there is almost no way to explain what i feel. So this is the best I will do. 

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

The End is Near ( I can't escape the past!)

The end is near,

Angels I hear sing,

As I lay here dying,

Tell them all I tried,

But it was not enough,

I was just too messed up,

I couldn't feel love,

And it hurt so bad,

Such things Feel,

As I am dying inside,

Nobody saw the invisible scars,

Or knows I am collapsing,

But I know I must get up,

Must live another day,

So nobody feels my pain,

I have a good heart that has been trashed,

Like the locket I gave her,

I have been smashed,

Now all I hear is my past,

When I should not look back,

Cause the past,

That is what's killing me....

Thursday, July 27, 2017

my latest race.

Well, it’s high time I talk about the person behind the computer screen. As I have shared, I am a competitive runner and former high school track/XC star. Last week I ran my first ever half marathon! ( yay!) , but I got too sick to finish it , with only 3 miles left out of the 13.1 miles , I collapsed at the final aid station. Here are some of the things I learned.

 First mistake I made and the biggest was 3 hour before the race we stopped for greasy Eastern Carolina BBQ. Which would end up having a major bad problem that was to effect the outcome. Ya see, it is NOT a good idea to eat at all before long distance races, especially half marathons it turns out! The race was a night time race and required a head lamp, but unfortunately I failed to turn on the light properly and it was on blink mode, leaving not much light and at least 3 falls, resulting in a bust leg that ended my ability to run fast. Towards the end however, that’s when the BBQ kicked in! In running, your body kinda more quickly digests food…. Also it was the hottest day of the summer as of now. Dehydration, bad food, and a bad leg is what sealed my fate. When I got gatorade at the final aid station, when I tried to drink it, all the contents in my stomach went out of me and my leg hurt too much to continue. The people at the aid station made the call to toss me into one of their fallen runner gators. So I never completed this middle of the night course because of being consider to the point of too out of shape to continue. : (

If I died...

If I died,

Would anyone care?

If  I pushed that blade,

Straight into my heart,

or tied a rope to my head,

Would anybody be not happy that i left?

If went to the tracks,

just waited on that train,

that could be my fate,

would anybody have any regrets?

I know I must keep fighting,

but sometimes I wonder,

Would anyone even care If I was gone?

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

they go deeper...

the invisable scars,

sink further into my skin,

as a dream Of the end,

No matter how much I try,

The voices come back to my mind,

" kill yourself!",

they yell,

but no matter how much I want to comply,

I keep on living for Jesus,

no matter how much I want to bleed.

Monday, July 3, 2017

beauity in the pain...

There is beauty in the pain,

just listen to what I say,

Cause I try to find it every day,

The invisible scars sting,

But they are a witness to me,

That their existence reminds me i'm human,

God saved me from myself,

And because of this,

I use my pain as a testimony ,

to those who are also broken.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

A open letter

I'm sorry if I was not enough for you. I tried my best but if I was not enough or too much I 

understand. I have made so many mistakes that I wish I could have stopped and God blessed

me so much to let you be part of my life. I remember back in high school when I first met you. I was

sitting alone at a football game and it was my junior year. I don't remember the team the Eastern

Alamance Eagles were playing against but I DO remember the opponent did horrible.

Damn. You have grown so much since then and so have I. I'm nearly 20 and you are already into

your second year in High School? How has time flown by so fast? I remember me being really

excited when you made to ten on that Lake Mackintosh XC trail that I sucked at. I was so proud.

This year you are gonna make top five in female runners, I know you will. Stay strong.

How am I really going to be 20 in 4 months? This is crazy. I just want you to know I miss you

And I hope to see you soon. Oh yes, I almost forgot, Make Soccer  Great Again!  God Bless, L.M.


Wednesday, June 28, 2017


Dreams: they never fulfill true happiness you would think they  would give.
In a "me" based society that counts to much on the American Dream we 

can get too caught up in these so called dreams that we think will make us happy.

What I think us Christians need to remember our lives should NOT live it up,

We must remember our future is in God's hands not ours! 

When we forget this basic fact it can lead to idolatry of things.


Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Amy's suicide

The bleeding goes on, 

but the hurt is gone,

As Amy's soul departs from her body, 

The battle she faught was hard,

with no family and no real home,

she laid in a hotel room all alone,

Amy told herself ,

" My family is gone, 

Except for God I am alone,."

So Amy did what she thought she needed to do,

The blade went through her wrists, 

While she was overdosing on her sister's perscriptions,

After the cuts were clear,

and the effects of Clonazpam kicked in,

The drowsiness shot in,

It was all so blurry to know what she was doing,

So without thinking,

Amy jumped and fell......

And now her soul is finally at peace,

while she is in heaven eternally

Sunday, June 25, 2017


So guys... how do I start this? I have been really lonely recently and my life is slowly going downhill again.  I hate the fact I am so needy and hate being alone. Add in the fact stress is destroying me as I have just finished up section D of my midterm exam and  as a perfectionist at school and loving to do really well at things yet at the same time a procrastinator at times if something is really hard, this test is taking a toll on me as I know i'm not likely to do well. Earlier today I thought about killing myself ( yes, I seriously thought about taking my life over midterm exams.) but i decided that would be a BAD idea and thus stayed alive. Physically I feel ok but emotionally i'm a train wreck and always will be. : ((((     So overall though i've been doing ok.

The invisable scars bleed harder,

and the pain is hard to resist,

but to survive the warrior must Persist,

No disease will destroy his spirit,

even if it destroys his body,

he is still together,

the world around him looks different,

but it is the same as the real one,

through his eyes he sees it diffrently though,

and wants to help others heal,

The one thing he is not able to let himself do,

He tries to help others with...

Friday, June 23, 2017

Losses and how they make you stronger.

One of my friends lost a friend of hers and it really hurt her. The loss left me
    thinking about how, even though pain stings for a while, God uses all of this for His glory to
   make us stronger. I think of my teen years which are almost over. I’ve lost many friends
  including a whole church worth of friends. Throughout High School i developed a close   
 Friendship with. She went out of her way to show me love even though we are just so different she did band and I ran Track and Cross Country, 2 worlds that collide. Anyways we were very close till she dumped me randomly. My case i’m trying to make is these things have made me stronger. God uses our problems, no matter how big or small, for His glory and even though we can’t always see why, it is God’s greater plan. So whether it be a dead relative or a friend who leaves you, it will seem hard at the time but we only see the small part of the greater picture.
Finally, we must remember our hope is in Jesus Christ not on people or things, which will pass by.


Saturday, June 17, 2017

So what now?

Well, I've officially got my diploma and I still have so many choices to make! I have one accepted

job offer at Cracker Barrel but the job is not bearable due to multiple reasons including neglecting

cleanliness, low staff, and just a unsafe envornment. I have multiple applications down on my pool

table and still have multiple offers on the table. Pray I get a good job please. My running team i'm

part of, Ainsley's Angels, is on summer break so i'm once again I am practicing alone. Also, I am

really struggling with friendships badly. So now that i;m done with high school and about to do

midterms for my Landscape Irrigation class, I still need a job. So i'm struggling in life but I will keep fighting.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Till The End

Till The End,

I take an oath,

I will protect you,

My Family,

And my Country,

The day may come,

When i'm gone,

But just know,

America is the land of the free,

So raise the flag an ring the bells,

For God and Country,

I will serve till death take me,

America will be kept free,

To hell with her enemies!

We will not let the liberal Bolsheviks ,

take our freedom away!

America will be made great again!

God Bless all those who fight for our freedom,
both overseas and in office.  

My Graduatiin Ceremony

So this Monday I had my High School graduation Ceremony ( Forget I'm halfway thruough my first semester of college.) , and me along with the result
Of the Eastern Alamance High School Class of 2017 got or diplomas . The night started with waiting a hour in the gym of the church the Ceremony was being held. I almost died form dehydration! We finally got to go into the chapel where graduation was being held . After some boring speeches and badly done music , everyone got up and one by bit me, systematically got their diplomas. It was done in alphabetical order and since my last name is White I was I in the last row of students. Earlier a student who was also graduating told me I was not able to run in my graduation cap and gown. When they called my name I treated the graduation stage not much differently than a curb in a cross country trail and ran , in cap and gown , across the stage to get my diploma . I sped things up to say the least. People all of the sudden started clapping and cheering at me ! I was like " What The Heck?" I was just getting my diploma my style . That's all. Well apparently everyone loved it and was humored. Here's the video:

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Hey guys... Please give me your feedback on my writings

Hey guys I've once again started posting my writings on my blog please give feedback per post thank you. All feedback is welcome.

                Thank you for following my blog also. I will keep working on things to improve it.

Strange Love

“We have to do something about our 18 year old baby. I have college and you have work. We don’t have time to make sure our little is in a clean diaper and is breastfed daily. It is too much!” Said Tiff.

“I know it is an issue we need to find our baby a proper caretaker. But nobody has been willing to take care of him. Wait... have we tried that Glenview nonprofit childcare place? I think they will take in any child of any age.”

Tiff then responded exclaiming, “you know how crazy that place is said to be Matthew! Supposedly the mistress of the place is a drunk. But if nobody else will take him, we should see.”

A woman from Glenview answered the phone with a grouchy voice, “what do you want? Are you a new enrollee ? If so tell me how we can assess your child?”

The phone crackled as Tiff answered, “our 18 year old teen baby needs caring for and we can’t take care of him 24/7. Nobody else has taken him in so I was hoping…. “

The woman responded saying, “we will take care of your baby. He will love it here, and hopefully get along with the other little ones. Come over on Wednesday and things can be completed.”

With that the woman hung up the phone. Baby started crying so Tiff ran to get a clean diaper ready.

Glenview, North Carolina. The town was known for being plagued by drug wars and shootings. Noted as the most dangerous part of North Carolina, it was essentially the dark side of Durham. NC renamed because Durham did not want to share the same name as that part of the town. Meth Kitchens and druggies were not common and most businesses were boarded up and vandalized by thugs who had nothing better to do. The local high school had only one year ago dealt with a shooting where 5 students died after a Iraqi American yelled Allah Akbar and open fire with a Ak-47.

Amy was new to the area. A runaway from Chicago Illinois. She had lived in Glenview for about 3 years. With little money of her own, she had bought a boarded up one bedroom home that was fully paid off from a family of 2 who essentially left the town in fear of their lives for $1,200. This whole Durham thing had been a whole new world to her from her expensive rich life she had lived in luxury in a Chicago High Rise. But her job at Glenview Childcare had been enough to pay her expenses. The nightlife was crazy and she tended to lack self control. Her boyfriend was a tough one who had just got out of prison for dealing drugs. He had tattoos all over himself and had a sense of control, but  she felt like she had no way out. Day in and day out she drove her 1975 Ford Pinto, wondering if she would ever get free, no longer have to take care of babies she wished were her own.
That all changed the day that she heard of the arrival of a teen toddler named Evan. “ Mistress, I really want to take care of our new baby specifically. He is different than the other babies who are of different sizes. I want this job so bad. He sounds like such a sweet kid and of interesting character. Mistress, I know I have always kind of been a pain and a troublemaker in your eyes. But this baby, I think he is more someone I can take care of.“

Mistress responded saying “ We will be introduced to him tomorrow, then I will let him choose who he wants to be his caretaker. Oh yes, if you want to care for him yourself,you will have to be removed from the rest of the babies and use the old nursery that the church still owns but has not used in years. “

Amy was shocked but her stubborn self and pride and how much she wanted the task got the best of her. She came to Glenview for a new life and freedom. This building referred to was boarded up and needed repairs in so many levels. “ I will agree to these terms, Mistress. But, will you get the church to help pay for the fixing windows and such? “ Amy asked.

Mistress said “ No! And the inside is already furnished just in case you are wondering.”

Tiff went to Glenview Childcare with Baby Evan and his special teen toddler things and met 2 women at the door. One looked like a punk and the other looked old and not nice. “ So… Miss Tiff, me and my 18 year old schizophrenic lil punk ( Amy blushes with anger) here want to know which of us baby Evan would rather have. This punk her name is  Amy, she really thinks she can care for him properly while she has had issues managing the actual babies. If he chooses Amy, he will get heaven knows what type of type of treatment , but if you let me take care of him just like the other babies he will be in good hands.” Mistress said.

Held up anger went through Amy’s veins but she kept control and said “ I really want baby Evan! He just looks like someone I can truly care for. Mistress is not used to new things and I want to hold and protect your little one. Please. I heard he has Bipolar Disorder and Autism. I have longed for someone like me who also suffers from a disability. Let me care for him. Mistress doesn’t understand disabilities. I do. “

Tiff then asked her Little who he wanted, while hoping he would chose the older woman. But to Tiff’s dismay, Evan choose the punk girl.

“HOW DARE YOU!!” yelled Mistress, as Tiff left, she was in disbelief.

“Mistress, I know you did not expect this. He is my baby now. You said so. And no matter what you say I am NOT giving him up.”

Amy took me to her Pinto once Tiff was gone and said “ Evan, I may not be the brightest girl in the world and Mistress was right, I am a schizophrenic. I know you are a teen toddler but do you know how to live outside of babyhood? “

I responded with “ Yes Amy, I am a teen toddler. Thank you for rescuing me from that horrible sounding woman. I feel like you will become more than my nurse, but also my friend. I fear that wicked woman will encage me. Where are we going. Amy? “

Sunday, June 4, 2017


Hi Guys can you all pray for me. I'm dealing with a lot of stress and this is not good. I have much stress going on and its driving me nuts . My meds are not working and it is bad. But God is good he will help me. " Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. "

Thus said I recantly have been chatting with my catholic friend. This is what he does not understand:


He believes without works we can't be saved. This is a major error cause The Bible is clear that It is not our works that save us. Why is this not understood? Pray for him and that he will become a Christian. Thus said , I have school tomorrow so I best log off but have a blessed Sunday! 

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

A Queen's Suicide

the nation cries,

as the funeral proceeds,

dead is their queen,

She was loved by her people ,

but nobody knew,

about the fight within her,

Since she was a girl they were hurting her,

it was hard to understand,

cause they always came and went,

Through her royal glory ,

She hid the gunshot on her arm,

Told them all that she had been shot.

Many a man chased after her,

but she would not allow them in,

Every night she prayed to God,

for help to make it through another day,

As daily the depression got worse,

It ran like a drug through her  veins.

They kept calling her a cr**r, a sl*t, and a ret*rd,

and a year after her coronation,

she was only 24 years old,

yet it got out of her control one night,

In a crazy depression episode,

she went to her room,

and as the music played ,

and the guests in the ball room,

were partying on,

Nobody noticed her presence was gone.

Enough!  Queen Amy cried,

And with that she pulled a revolver from her dresser drawer,

 with tears in her eyes and no hope left,

She pulled the trigger and was dead,

Amy was finally at peace ,

And even after her suicide nobody understood,

Cause of the ignorance that haunts this world.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Brave New World

 Life changes and so do I I guess. College is about to start and It is exciting, yet I am going to miss those I left behind.

I hold what I have learned in my heart even when it hurts. Cause it can hurt at times.

However, in this Brave New World I am entering, New challenges await.

Just like a 10k trail there are curves on the way to the finish line, yet each one makes me stronger.

I thank God for all he has given me and the strength eh has provided me all these years.

So while the pain may be there I will keep ahead just like I do at every race.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Through the pain

Through the pain I've learned so much,

It stung and it burnt but the lessons won't be forget,

Those who came and those who left ,

And my past and what I am ,

Through the burns I've felt the emotion,

That nobody should have to feel,

The Invisable scars are bleeding,

But nobody can see,

Only Jesus knows what I am going thru,

And how I feel so much pain,

The lessons I've learned through it......

Monday, May 1, 2017

cry out to Jesus...

Well, I will start this post off by saying it was inspired partly by the Third Day song Cry Out To 

Jesus. As most of y'all who follow me know, I have Autism and Bipolar Disorder. Recently it has 

been very tough as I am going through many changes that have caused increased mood swings and 

depression. Throughout all this, I have learned that at the end of the day, Jesus is there for you always 

and that's why as Christians, in distress we should Cry Out To Jesus. He can help if you let Him. ...

 There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus
- Third Day                                        

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

When you nearly lose your life...

I got into a wreck a few days ago when my Buddy 50cc Moped hit a silver car.

Well, I had just left the coffee shop and was in no state to be on the road. My anti mania meds were not in effect and I had too much caffeine in my body. I thoughtlessly drove at dangerous speed down a residential road and tried to bypass a car. The car turned right as I was side by side, and I got hit. Flew into the air. My moped was on one side of the road while  I was lying and heavily bleeding everywhere on the road. Thank God I managed to get back on my feet and get home even as I continued to loose blood. The wound on my arm has been healing and I am getting better but it is just a reminder on how short life can be and the costs of unsafe driving. One small factor changed in the wreck and I could have been dead at the spot. I was the only person injured. Guys, God could take you away any day, you never know if you will get into a crash and die or something could kill you. When you get into near death issues on the road it can change the way you think.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

why am I alive?

Often I wish i was never born cause then i would not have to deal with all this pain but I am alive. God gave me this pain for a reason I guess but it is really hard to bear  some days. Often i don't feel wanted. I wish I was not so ugly. Yet at the same time if i was different than who I am, I honestly doubt i would know myself. My disability can be a pain at times and causes much emotional pain.. But God uses such circumstances like mine for His glory.

I will use the gifts God gave me to fight the best I can. 

Thursday, March 2, 2017

rescue from death.....

Rescued from death ,

Saved by God,

Jesus  saved me,

Though the invisible scars,

They will be never be healed,

But Jesus saved me through the blood he gave,

His death and resurrection,

It has revived my soul.

Why should I die,

When Jesus is on my side?

Why should I self harm,

When God's love is in my heart?

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Saturday, February 4, 2017

yellow pills.....

My life is going out of control,

Nobody cares about me and it is so sad,

Thank God for these yellow pills,

These things my doctor gave me,

they will sink me into a sleepy coma,

just got to get it right then I will die.

Thank God for these yellow pills,

The ones my doctor gave me.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

The final days

It is the final days,

Of the very way ,

I have known things,

It's not that long,

Till it is all over,

And I won't have to see her,

The final finish line,

It is in sight,

I think I see the light! : )

Friday, January 6, 2017

the iron curtian dividing America.

Throghout last year i felt like a iron curtain like the one that Churchill described when referring to the USSR in 1946, it is not the same though cause it is made up of a divided nation on the verge of civil war unless change is made. Chaos has struck America as we fight over what guns we can shoot and why we can't be who we want to be. I am upset and am doing this article to show my opinion. Both racial profiling and race baiting has been a issue along with racism cases, many which had been proven as the police justifiably shooting someone because the person was a armed criminal who was a danger. Morally america is a disaster, with people who get sued for keeping the law and disregard of the constitution, and most of all, disregarding God's law. As Americans if we can't get along I see no choice in the future but another war between the states. Christianity is targeted as a form of discrimination by people who discriminate openly against Christians. This is insane and something has to be done. as Americans the start we can make is not turn against each other. Freedom is never one generation away from extinction according to Ronald Regan. If we hate each other we will not stand as a nation. Please Americans lets stand under one flag. I don't care about your race, age, gender, etc. There is no excuse for violence and hate. The result of us disagreeing is the district courts, courts of appeals,small claims courts, state suprime courts, and the Suprime Court  trying to solve our problems by lawsuits and trials. If we give the government all our problems we are treating ourselves like we are the government's slaves. I urge as Americans to get along and not fight over political issues to the point we all hate  each other and don't make the government get involved with everything under the sun. the more the government gets involved in a divided  nation the more we become like big babies. Lets take America back and not let us fall apart on each other and don't have all our solutions be turn to the gov't. We are AMERICA not the USSR.