Thursday, July 27, 2017

my latest race.

Well, it’s high time I talk about the person behind the computer screen. As I have shared, I am a competitive runner and former high school track/XC star. Last week I ran my first ever half marathon! ( yay!) , but I got too sick to finish it , with only 3 miles left out of the 13.1 miles , I collapsed at the final aid station. Here are some of the things I learned.

 First mistake I made and the biggest was 3 hour before the race we stopped for greasy Eastern Carolina BBQ. Which would end up having a major bad problem that was to effect the outcome. Ya see, it is NOT a good idea to eat at all before long distance races, especially half marathons it turns out! The race was a night time race and required a head lamp, but unfortunately I failed to turn on the light properly and it was on blink mode, leaving not much light and at least 3 falls, resulting in a bust leg that ended my ability to run fast. Towards the end however, that’s when the BBQ kicked in! In running, your body kinda more quickly digests food…. Also it was the hottest day of the summer as of now. Dehydration, bad food, and a bad leg is what sealed my fate. When I got gatorade at the final aid station, when I tried to drink it, all the contents in my stomach went out of me and my leg hurt too much to continue. The people at the aid station made the call to toss me into one of their fallen runner gators. So I never completed this middle of the night course because of being consider to the point of too out of shape to continue. : (

If I died...

If I died,

Would anyone care?

If  I pushed that blade,

Straight into my heart,

or tied a rope to my head,

Would anybody be not happy that i left?

If went to the tracks,

just waited on that train,

that could be my fate,

would anybody have any regrets?

I know I must keep fighting,

but sometimes I wonder,

Would anyone even care If I was gone?

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

they go deeper...

the invisable scars,

sink further into my skin,

as a dream Of the end,

No matter how much I try,

The voices come back to my mind,

" kill yourself!",

they yell,

but no matter how much I want to comply,

I keep on living for Jesus,

no matter how much I want to bleed.

Monday, July 3, 2017

beauity in the pain...

There is beauty in the pain,

just listen to what I say,

Cause I try to find it every day,

The invisible scars sting,

But they are a witness to me,

That their existence reminds me i'm human,

God saved me from myself,

And because of this,

I use my pain as a testimony ,

to those who are also broken.



Sunday, July 2, 2017

A open letter

I'm sorry if I was not enough for you. I tried my best but if I was not enough or too much I 

understand. I have made so many mistakes that I wish I could have stopped and God blessed

me so much to let you be part of my life. I remember back in high school when I first met you. I was

sitting alone at a football game and it was my junior year. I don't remember the team the Eastern

Alamance Eagles were playing against but I DO remember the opponent did horrible.

Damn. You have grown so much since then and so have I. I'm nearly 20 and you are already into

your second year in High School? How has time flown by so fast? I remember me being really

excited when you made to ten on that Lake Mackintosh XC trail that I sucked at. I was so proud.

This year you are gonna make top five in female runners, I know you will. Stay strong.

How am I really going to be 20 in 4 months? This is crazy. I just want you to know I miss you

And I hope to see you soon. Oh yes, I almost forgot, Make Soccer  Great Again!  God Bless, L.M.