Monday, January 15, 2018

Why change makes us stronger: first part of a series I'm working on.

  A 16 year old boy hurts inside as he watches he and hiss family's departure from a tight knit church 

that you had gone to for quite a while. It was all of the sudden and unexpected. All his life he had 

been going to church after church, because of him being a pastor in training's son and a former elder 

and just involved with church. God has lead us many places since then, but my point is that God can 

use change to make us stronger and rely on Him more. 

  Ever since that event God has helped me deal me deal with change and departure better. 

As Christians, we must remember that God changes things to make us stronger, and we need to be 

willing to trust Him when change comes. " Have I not commanded you? Be strong and couragious, 

do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you whereever you go." - Joshua 1:9.

So much changes in our life so let's use it all for God's glory and accept the changes he gives us. As 

the verse above says, the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 



 

Saturday, January 6, 2018

struggling spiritually

I might as well be honest... I haven't read my bible since November and am wondering if that and not turning to God when I should the most has been causing things to get worse? I don't know what to say...... I feel like a hypocrite to share the gospel with others and struggle with obvious sin to the outside world, and not know the bible well enough..... I have been lacking motivation for everything under the sun these days ... prayers would be nice.


I know I am imperfect,

That he is here for me,

so why do I reject thee?

My world can fall apart,

and why do I not turn,

To you Lord......



Saturday, December 30, 2017

Darkness Will Not Prevail ( LONG poem)

life feels good as you see everything fade away, 

Nothing seems like a mistake anymore, 


there's beauty in the pain ,  


It makes you smile,  


It turns out you are not insane, 


Nor are you afraid, 


the path to the garden is that way, 


She's wearing a blood soaked dress, 


Satin and white lace, 


The woman smiles your way and says " Hi,", 


You are at my home and I wonder why? 


Don't worry about my mess, 


the red is from self destruction attempts,  


But now I'm better,  


Come in, prince of pain,  


dance with me tonight, 


for the first time in awhile,  


I am actually smiling. " 


A long lost emotion went through me ,  


And I knew not what to say, 


So into her cottage I went, 


and wondered " How does she know I'm the prince of pain?", 


For the first time in years, 


That night we danced to the song of the bluebird,

I felt no shame, 


and asked her for her name, 


" My name is faith, and I am a runaway ,  


From the domains of darkness,  


Where my master kept me in chains, 


Redemption not far away,  


offered from God above, 


who's son came to save us, 


in this world without love, 


now I have escaped,  


the dominion of darkness, 


and have you done so too?" 


"YES!" I cried,  


thinking about what would have been my own doom, 


" The hour will strike midnight and I hear horses from away, 


Grab my sword and get away Prince of Pain, 


The pony I named Sparkle is in the back,  


don't worry about me, 


they are not coming after thee.",  


NO!! I cried,  


as she pushed me out the door, 


5 minutes latter I saw him, Lord of Darkness , 


come after her with his men, 


In all of hell's flame, 


The screams could be heard , 


from her living room,  


as the 2 fought, Sword to sword,  


My mind common sense said go, 


yet emotions said "Stay.", 


From a far distance I saw the beast, 


had put his dagger into her cheast, 


And what was did was done,  


The arrow flew from my longbow, 


and his body feel to the ground, 


submerged In blood,  


I went off on Sparkle,  


Torwards my own kingdom, 


to warn the people of their sins, 


and how they could be forgiven, 


So when Lord Darkness' master Satan came, 


We'd be saved and God would give the strength , 


to fight and die for what we believed in




Romans 8:1-2" therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
because through Christ Jesus the law of the spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death" 

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Sick of Life!

I am just sick of life! I wish God would take me away in my sleep so I could have a restored mind. Ugh ! I have a ugly body and a messed up mind and am complete trash.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

1 a.m.

it's 1 am and I want you with me,

every night in my mind you are beside me,

Looking so strong as together we battle the devils that haunt us,

Your smile makes me feel loved,

As I cry on your sholder like a child,

and the next nnight you are doing that on me,

Together heart to heart we fight the disease,

Yet it is just me here alone,

You are gone but not forgotten,

Come back to me,

And we can set eachother free.

I love you baby.

Friday, December 15, 2017

fighting fro Christ and your life

Saints cut sometimes,

cause they hurt too much,

to even be able to cry,

they know it isn't right,

but even they can break,

followers of Christ,

God doesn't change some,

of their problems,

but gives us hope to fight,

So we die for Christ,

And often stops us,

from taking our lives,

which is wrong,

and the effects on others,

can be very strong,

so if you want to fight for Christ,

And not commit suicide,

Don't give up,

Cause God made us,

to not take our lives,

Things may not get better,

but still know fellow Christian,

Jesus is better than that firearm,

and loves you ,

your life is too sacred to go through that noose,

so breathe in life,

not carbon monoxide.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Suicide awareness blog.

Hey! I know this is off topic and not my normal post but I have started a blog

That's main goal is the show awareness of suicide and some of the major problems

That can lead to someone taking their life. Any of y'all who are interested in the comments section say yes. If not , give your input on what you think about the idea. Here's the blog: https://suicidesucessful.blogspot.com/?m=1

Monday, November 13, 2017

possible new post series

Hey guys! I hope y'all are doing well. Good News!!!

I have decided to take a break from poetry and write

a story about the suicide of an 18-year-old girl named Amy.

Or is it a suicide after all? 

Stick around to figure out.






Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Recovery

Hi guys. I hope your November has been great! I did a half marathon in Willimington , NC. It was my first one where I actually ran the whole thing ( no slowing down.) and the first time I did a road race half marathon. It was so fun! My final timing was 2 hours and 20 minutes . My placing was 561st out of 810 finishers. That was ok. My friend from the area did not show up sadly. My best friend, sadly alerted me that for reasons I will not mention , she can't text me anymore . : (
Loneliness has taken over my heart but God helps. Honestly things haven't been too bad for me other that recantly a few major episodes .  oh yes , my report paper I had to turn in. The reason I got a B on it was because I made the mistake to not put a title on!!!!

The invisbale scars,

That can't be seen,

I know they are there ,

But they are with God's help healing

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Heven Help me.

Heaven Help Me,

As I fall apart,

My mind is like a burning house,

With nothing but ashes surviving,

As the walls burn apart,

Jesus Save me,

As my mind fills with pain,

Inhalation of the stuff is clogging my mind,

Abandonment in a happy crowd,

Nobody knowing I'm alone,

I just want to go home  : (

my mind: update

Ok, I have not been around much but I'm gonna do I quick update on why I've been off for awhile.
My mental health has not been all that good and personally, I've been mentally falling apart. I've started seeing a therapist but I'm not sure how much help she will be, as she stimulates so far instead of de-stimulating. My battle has been harder than ver, but I must hide it all from my fam and friends, cause I do not need to worry them. I will be ok though. I promise. Just pray for me, ok? Things are not all that well in me. 


Sunday, October 15, 2017

Music Video of the week: Counting Crows - Round Here










I'm like Maria in the song emotionally... "Maria says she's dying, through the door I hear her crying. Why? I don't know,"  I don't know if that is the meaning behind the song, but the lyrics durn near describe someone with mental illness. Enjoy. :)