Sunday, September 8, 2019

suicide prevention week, a poem, and your life is worth living!

HI. To any readers worldwide, I am wanting to share with y'all it is suicide awareness week.

As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, I understand things can get really rough and

even can be excessively rough. If you need help there is hope in Christ, who cares so much for

you. Be free to contact me if you want to hear more about that. Anyways, every 12 minutes in the

U.S.A. someone dies of a suicide attempt. I don't know who may be reading this, but please

If you are having thoughts of suicide, be free to call the following numbers:

1-800-273-8255. that is the national suicide prevention lifeline. You could also text 741-741. That is

the Crisis Text Line number.  Finally, if you want to reach out to me, contact me at whiteevan12@gmail.com  I'll leave with this poem:

Even when it gets rough,

And things seem too tough to bear,

There is still hope,

The darkness may always be there,

But it don't have to prevail.

Monday, July 29, 2019

can't do it alone

Sometimes, it seems like I've got it all,

But This can't be done myself,

He is with me throughout it all,

Many days I am depression-prone,

As if I'm all alone,

And that darkness reminds me,

He will never leave me alone,

Always here,

Lord thank you,

Cause I can't do it alone.


Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Joyfullness

As she looked through her life,

For the very first time,

Amy started to feel joy inside,

The one who saved her was there all along,

Even when she was self-harming,

Torn with thoughts so painful it hurt,

He was actually still there with her,

As she slowly recovered Amy realized,

" I finally feel alive.",


Monday, June 24, 2019

Never too late

Even when you've lost yourself,

It is never too late,

Even when everything is not well,

It is never too late,

Even as the strength to fight starts to fail,

It is never too late,

So today if you are struggling

Make the choice to keep fighting,

Cause it is never too late 

Friday, May 24, 2019

Never gonna give up

Sometimes things seem so wrong,

But the Lord is always there even when it hurts,

Because of HIm I'm never gonna give up,

I could have been chained with burdens,

Burdens all my whole life,

But He saved me from them away on the Cross,

Yes, they still come and go,

But never will they drag down,

What He has given me inside,

So even when things get super rough,

I will not give up!

Saturday, April 27, 2019

hell breaking loose

Hell breaks loose,

As Amy stares at the noose,

Her younger sister died with,

watching the failing heart inside was just rough,

But seeing the illness take her away was almost too much,

Amy said " What did I not do?" ,

And " Was there anything I missed?",

The fight was rough being ill herself,

Yet seeing her sister dead left with Amy a wound,

That may never ever heal.

...................... Whatever is going on whoever may read this life is worth it please keep fighting. - the creator behind Amy

Sunday, March 31, 2019

Anxiety, leave me alone.

Dear anxiety you seem to hurt a lot,

The damage trying to be done cuts to the core,

Of a hurting person's soul ,

It is just not ok,

Dear Anxiety,

Why can't you let be,

And not torture me?

Dear anxiety,

We meet every day ,

Why can't we just break up,

You and I are not good together.

Dear God,

please help the anxiety go away,

Before I go insane.

Thursday, March 28, 2019

When with her.

When with her I feel better 'bout myself,

Bout how i'm messed up but loved by her anyways,

How special she done became,

I think about how if she left,

It would never ever be the same,

I would lose my fellow rebel,


And my partner in crime,

And God blesses me ever day,

With a smile like hers.

Sunday, March 17, 2019

He keeps me hanging on ( not a poem for once in a while!)

So, God is really good . Despite everything going on in this world, he is in control, and not just in world events, but in Christian's lives also. What is this post about, anyways? To anyone reading, i'm ok now and I just thought i'd share this mainly as sunday hope story of encouragement.







Recantly, just like 2 fields, college anxiety and the depression part of Manic Depression ( Bipolar Disorder) has been driving me nuts! I have felt hopeless off and on due to looming projects that have left a sense of fear and nervousness and anxiety and depression. I'm way far back in college than I should be, and nervous on 700 different levels. Last night was the second night I felt almost to the point of hurting myself due to it all.


Mentally, I feel often like if I don't pass these classes I'm a failure and worthless. Like I have screwed up in life due to failure to keep things in one piece. It is a HORRIBLE mindset and is kinda toxic.


So, last night off and on I had thoughts of self-harm, which is VERY rare, it was like hitting a brick wall. It is, and the anxiety is not going to go away until I have finished this semester. Getting that upset and depressed is VERY rare. God uses the weirdest things to get people under control when they are upset inside.


Well, my sister at 11ish PM was posting in a group chat I was part of about how she couldn't sleep due to a wasp or Yellowjacket in her room and she has a way of taking a bad situation she is in and turning it into humor due to exaggerations and relating it to random things. Her amusing narrative made my depression go away and be replaced with humor.

Conclusion: God is Good and it is crazy awesome how He can use some of the weirdest ways possible as a means to help Evan cope with depression. For any Christian readers, has there been a time God used some weird experience to cheer you up when depressed? Thoughts? 

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Amung the ashes

Among the ashes, he gives us Hope,

Despite the situation we are in the Lord is there,

You may be going through the hardest time of your life,

But still, he is there among the ashes giving hope,

Tonight if you are thinking about pain,

Look up and remember the One who created you,

The one who saved you and you let in,

And chose you before you were born as His.


Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Mandy's song

sitting down she smiled,

looking at Mandy's eyes, 

Amy started to sing,

Mandy if you only knew,

How much you mean to me,

Like a light in the night,

You help me see through the pain,

Caring for you is the best thing to do,

Oh, little child of mine, I love you so.

Thursday, February 7, 2019

slowly dying...

Amy laid in her bed,

just burning indside,

hurting over everything she said,

and all she had did,

in her life and why ,

she wanted to say goodbye,

The only reason Amy had stayed,

Was for God and for her baby,

Yet still she was slowly starting to fade,

The fight got hearder every day,

And Amy started cutting to finally feel,

Anything was better than nothing at all,

So she prayed To God as she slit her wrists,

saying " God help me not do this!"