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why...???

my life is a mess. I am falling apart. Overdosing and overeatting are physically destroying me.

music videos I took at the concert I went to last nite

School grades, softball, and peers.

School grades are slowly rising. This is good. I need better grades. I am meeting new chicks and I sit by the best chick in 4th period. I mean, she's so hot. Shes Awesome. She has tallent. Shes Smart. I hand her notes @ lunchtime. speaking of her, I know I've posted this song before, but it  just is so awesome! So far I have met a fellow wild girl. She has a boyfriend, but thats ok. I not gonna intrude her relationship. I wish someone would love me ....  Well I guess i'm crazy. Frankie Ballard says it right when he sings " it's a hellofa life". I'm holding on. My life is crazy, or is it me?? I don't know. The good news is I am writing a book. It's called Helen's War. I hope all my readers and subscribers have a good nite. Oh almost forgot. My peers are awesome. I am meeting the Softball Girls and they are awesome. Ok, not ALL my peers are awesome. Some of them have to be Satan's children! Now I offically say goodnight. : )

emotion.

Emotion is suck a powerful thing, It sweeps through a boy like me. It touches me, makes my mind go whacko. My body aches At it touches my cheeks,
 my heart is in flames,
but I can't escape,
this beautiful emotion,
shes brought on me.

Staind-Believe

Why doesn't someone believe in me?? I guess my parents do but sometimes they even doubt my success. WHY WON'T ANYONE BELIEVE IN ME?????

How it feels to miss someone. Part One

When your tears cover your face,

And her memory haunts you,

This is how it feels to miss someone,

It feels like only a day ago,

We were out by the river,

white water rafting,

the water soaking you and me,

as we swam down Mill Creek,

how you on those stormy nights,

left your home and ran to me,

said you were scared,

now you aren't here.

You were and allways will be my girl,

even though you are not in this world anymore,

your snow white figure, is still with me,

the way you went away, 

you must of had so much pain,

and self hate,

to just end it all,

and fly away,

from that home so small,

they did not want you at all,

you were scared and never told it all,

they overlooked you,

and you couldn't take it anymore,

so I stare here at this angel of stone,

crying yet I know,

you are finally at home. 

.

Dreams, Schemes, and Loneliness.

High school is getting better. I've met some girls, ad sit be awesome people in class. Finally met a girl who likes books and is not a sports fan. Freshmen are so loud!!!! They always seem to make a buncha noise. I still am always alone at lunch, but hey! What does that matter? We had a extended weekend because Monday was a teacher workday. I am glad to be back at school. My birthday is in less than a week. I plan on inviting a certain someone after a high school football game to come over about 11:30 to the max of 4:00 A.M. to come over and dance the night away. If she comes she can leave whenever she wants. Well, hope y'all  have a good day. High school is a hell-of-a-life.

I'm scared I'm gonna die.

I have had this fear since day one at school someone was gonna attack/kill me . I still think i'm gonna be killed. I'm getting a gun the day I am oldenough. I wanna gun now. I don't wanna harm anyone but if someone tries to attack me at home I don't wanna die young.

Sunday songs #1

Hi y'all! i'm doing a new series of blog posts called Sunday Songs. Each day I will post/upload a " Christian' song or music video onto my blog. Enjoy.

How my weak has gone

It has gone horrid! False accusations have ssent me to the office on Friday. However, my grades are awesome! ( yay!) My sister has been a violent little brat for most of the day and that is NOT good! We ate Chinese food and it has made me feel sick : ( bye for now

sunday thoughts

I could not sleep last nite.
i should have gone to bed but I had beet doin my thing past midnight.
i couldn't get this brown haired girl out of my mind.
As the music played and the hours passed I started to have lost my right mind.
I started thinking and acting without judggement. Said things to a chick from my school via texts that I would have never said if I was in a non twisted state of mind. past those texts I can't remember what I did. overall I got retarded.